Quick, what’s something about you that you don’t want people at work to know?
We all belong to many social groups, but some we hide for fear of what people might think of us or because of painful, sometimes offensive labels and stereotypes. Maybe your family was “trailer trash”? Or you were seen as a “spoiled rich kid”? Or maybe you grew up in “that crazy family.” “Foster kid.” “Fresh off the boat.” The list goes on …
The biases we hold about these social groups can put others and ourselves in boxes. Take me: I’m white, male, Jewish, and gay. You might think that being gay and Jewish are what most define me. But they’re not. What defines me the most is the fact that I grew up in a “crazy family,” surrounded by perpetual conflict, mental illness and substance abuse. My “crazy family” social group experience has defined everything about me – my self-perception, relationships, career, how I’ve raised my kids – in ways that being gay and Jewish never have.
I have plenty of company at the “crazy family” table, with people from across every conceivable diversity category. Our common experience connects us, often deeply, regardless of the ways we may be different.
I say this with care: my intention is not to directly compare social group experiences to the experience of marginalisation, where a different and often stronger bias prevails. Rather, I believe that the combination of those two types of experiences has a powerful meaning for each of us. And since social group experiences tend to be more universal than the experience of belonging to a marginalised group, I suggest that social group experiences can be a way to invite humans to connect across all the other ways people tend to be categorised.
So, why do we hide these parts of ourselves, particularly at work?
Since they’re entangled with group stereotypes, we might see these experiences through a lens of shame or fear of judgement. This blunts our access to the power of these experiences, which deprives others of the inspiration and connection we offer. Sharing the authenticity of our social group experiences could instead be a universal connector.
Five Ways To Connect With Your Social Group Identity
- Name the experience that came to mind at the start of this article.
- What social group(s) and related stereotype(s) are associated with the experience?
- How has the experience strengthened you, at work and in life?
- What part of your experience, or the strengths you’ve gained, would you want people at work to know?
- How might you share this?
The connections we build through authenticity help us bridge our diversities while still honouring our personal experiences. This can create powerful connections, without privileging or excluding any group. It becomes the foundation for a more equitable workplace, built through an ongoing virtuous cycle of acknowledging social group experiences as the empowering and connective forces that they can be.
Steve Salee, CEO of Wildfire Strategies
Get involved
- Join the PDA LGBT+ Network here.
- Follow the PDA LGBT+ Network on social media using the hashtag #PDAlgbt
- Contact the PDA LGBT+ Network committee by emailing [email protected]
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